- No sleep. I couldn't without you there. I was thinking too much. Thinking about all the ways I could try to win you back. Thinking about what I can do to prove myself. I tried so hard to go to sleep. I really did. I tried to sing myself to sleep. I tried working out to tire myself out. I tried everything I could think of. But I just kept thinking about you and how much I hurt you. And how much I hate myself for not being stronger. And how I wish I could just go to sleep so I didn't have to think about you giving up on me. At the same time, I was afraid to go to sleep in fear of both my nightmares and my dreams. I didn't want to dream of you giving me a second chance and waking up knowing you never will.
- No food/drinks. Nothing but a few bites of pizza yesterday. It's too much of a hassle to eat. Too much to think about. I haven't drank water in a while. I can feel my stomach... it's empty but I don't care. I don't deserve to eat. I feel reckless. I don't care if anything bad happens to me because I'll deserve it.
I'm so sorry I'm such a fuck up, Michael. I'm so incredibly sorry. I laid in bed this morning and watch old youtube videos on my phone. I watched the one from Valentines Day... and the one from sophomore year when you came to watch the Broadway concert. And your hot pocket dance. And that one french assignment you did. I watched your battles. Every single one. You're such a talented, funny, amazing person. And I can't believe I was stupid enough to hurt you. I keep wishing I could take it all back. I know I can't... so I'm just going to prove to you that I love you. And I'll pray that you believe me.
