Something Stupid

"I know I stand in line
Until you think you have the time
To spend an evening with me
And if we go someplace to dance
I know that there's a chance
You won't be leaving with me

Then afterwards we drop into a quiet little place
And have a drink or two
And then I go and spoil it all
By saying something stupid
Like I love you"

Man, oh man. My mom was playing this song and it just shouted you.

Why do you always do that?

So I mention that practice is one of the most important things to you right now..
And you say, not even! It puts me in pain!
And I can't believe I said...

yotofuball: you said that practice is the only thing you look forward to
yotofuball: :[
yomikeho: it puts me in physical pain
yomikeho: -__-
yotofuball: *:]
yotofuball: aw
yotofuball: but it's worth it
yotofuball: even though it puts you in pain, it's worth it

That's what I said to you. I didn't even think about it before I said it. I guess that's just how I operate. Those are my words to live by. If something is really worth it, you'll endure the pain or whatever because you know something good is happening. And it'll all be worth it in the end.

I honestly can't believe I really said that. And when I reread it, I just... teared up. I have no idea way. Well I do know why... it's because I found an analogy that could explain my mindset. You practice and get sore and beat up because you know it's worth it. You make progress and get better, and the results are more than amazing.
That's how I felt about our relationship, that's how I felt about you. Even though you hurt me so many times, I could never truly break up with you and just let you go because I thought our relationship was worth it. Every time we struggled, I just thought it was making us stronger. I thought we were progressing and getting better. I thought our relationship would end up being more than amazing.

But damn, what we have now isn't worth anything anymore is it?

yotofuball: are you gonna dance with anyone on your birthday?
yomikeho: if u dont want me to
yotofuball: well i don't.. but that hasn't stopped you before

Hey Stupid!

Jil, remember what we talked about yesterday?
Stop talking to him like that, he doesn't care.
Okay?

Jil, have some self control yeah?

Stop setting yourself up to be hurt mkays?
Stop setting yourself up to get embarrassed too!
Get a hold of yourself.

Am I really?

So I really wanted to see if this was accurate. And it got a total of 15/19.

CAPRICORN - The Passionate Lover
1. Love to bust. Pretty true.
2. Nice. Boring.
3. Sassy. Quite.
4. Intelligent. Very :]
5. Sexy. Heck yes I am.
6. Grouchy at times and annoying to some. Very true.
7. Lazy and love to take it easy. Sometimes lazy, likes it easy. Too bad it's not.
8. But when they find a job or something they like to do they put their all into it. Very very very true.
9. Proud, understanding and sweet. Most definitely..
10. Irresistible. I wish...
11. Loves being in long relationships. So does another sign apparently.
12. Great talker. Again... I wish.
13. Always gets what he or she wants. No, no I don't.
14. Cool. Cooler than most. :]
15. Loves to win against other signs especially Gemini’s in sports. Who's a Gemini, I'd like to know if that's right. But yeah, I'm competitive.
16. Likes to cook but would rather go out to eat at good restaurants. SO TRUE!
17. Extremely fun. Another not really-ish.
18. Loves to joke. I tease.
19. Smart. Sure.

It matters.

Sometimes a girl just wants to know for sure if you actually do want her around.
Like... stop saying things like, "Oh if you want" or "It's up to you."
What I interpret that as is, "Oh I don't really care if you go."
Sometimes we just want to hear, "Yeah, I want you to be there. I'd like to see you."
It makes us feel... wanted.
Sometimes a girl just wants to be assured.

But don't tell me you want me around and then once I'm there, it'll be a "Hi! What's up! Later!"
Then I'm left doing... what?
If it's going to be like that, then I REALLY don't want to be there, for sure.

Summer So Far.

Can't believe it's only been a little more than three weeks.
Seems soooooo much more time has past since then.
Must be doing a good job keeping myself busy, eh?

This week:

Today - Andrei and maybe Kris come over to eat tosino and bake cookies and play board games? Lol the only "fun" things to do at Jil's house, huh?

Tomorrow - Practice! And then Jessica's birthday thingy :D

Wednesday - Beach trip with some of the jazz people :]

Thursday - Another practice and another birthday thingy. This time, Annica's ;P

Friday - ...Nothin'. Need something today! Someone come over yeah???

Confused.

I don't know what the fuck you want from me. How am I supposed to act around you?
"I don't want anything. I just want to keep you close."
FUCK THAT! Keep me close so no one else can talk to me? And you'll just use me when it's convenient?!
I swear, this is the last time I'm gonna fall for your lines again.
I can't believe I let myself believe you we're actually going to fight for me.

Fuck you.