To All of Michael's Friends...

...who encouraged him to leave me.

It finally happened for real! I hope you're quite happy. I really do. You wanted him to leave me so much, he finally did it! Are you proud of him? He can be a part of everything you guys do over the summer. Maybe even longer than that. He can finally go to all your parties, try the "new things" you all want to try, go wherever he wants to go and do whatever he wants to do without having to worry about me or my feelings anymore. I know because he already started to yesterday. And he didn't even tell me about it until I asked him... which was expected. That was the last time I'll ever ask him about what he did. He has no worries now. So give him the best summer of his life. He says it's his teen years... so he deserves to have fun.

So while you're all doing that fun stuff, I'll be trying to get over everything that happened in the past fourteen and a half months. I'll be getting over the fact he can't have fun with me anymore, the fact that he actually hasn't had a really good time with me for a while now. I'll be getting over the fact that he wants to try all these new things... without me. While you have your trips to the beach, late-night parties, jams and sessions, I will be actively and constantly trying to not think about him and what he's up to, if he's making good choices. I'll try to occupy myself with everything else I planned to do this summer that doesn't involve him. I'll try to make new plans for the future. One's that don't include him.

Can I tell you about my conversation with him from last night?
He said he really needs this now. To see if he could still love me. He says I get quite bothersome. With my questions. He can't stand it when I ask him about what he's doing anymore. That he hates texting me. I wish there was a way to hear a heartbreak. I kept telling him it was all my fault. That I would fix myself. I wouldn't bother him anymore.
Damn, I put up a fight. It was like... desperation. For him. That makes sense.. because I love him and all. But you know, my compromises didn't work. He still didn't want me. He said that even his friends wanted us to break up. I could just imagine him telling you guys that it's final. That we've broken up today. And you're all cheering. That's the image I got in my head. That you'll congratulate him. He even told me to go to Acda for comfort! Acda! I never thought he would ever say that! But he did... so he must be okay with me talking to other guys.

It's funny... I had a very little talk with Andrew, when our families coincidentally happened to be eating at Asia Buffet after graduation. I told Andrew that Michael was single and going to a party, that he wouldn't be thinking about me, therefore he'd have nothing holding him back from doing whatever. It's funny... he said, "He'd never do that. Not after what happened." I believed him.
Stupid me, huh?

Yesterday, I believed that he will wait until I'm over him before he does all the stuff that will hurt me. I really believed it because he told me he wouldn't do any of it. But now... now I'm just hurting more because I know that he won't. He lacks the self-control and he's so curious. Please take care of him when he does that stuff. Not "take care" as in supply him, but take care of him.. just in case something bad happens.

So thank you to all of Michael's friends who will celebrate the fact we broke up. I know you have his best interests at heart. Have an amazing summer :] I mean it. Really.

[PS] Please remind him about his summer homework, and to prevent him from stressing out during the year.. remind him about his community service hours. He tends to forget a lot. I don't know if he's like that around you guys, but with me it happened often. Thanks again.

Hi. I might go to a party tonight.

How do you go from last night:

"Good night jil! Youre the sweetest girl ever i mean it. I cant believe you waited for me and you have a final tomorrow. Youre truly the best girlfriend ever :] sweet dreams my baby"

To today:

"Cause I dont feel like it will work out..."
"I dont know what to do. I dont want to get back feeling pity"
"I really dont know jil"
"Well im leaning towards getting back but it might be cause im sorry for you being sad"

And then I ask you:

"So youre really done with me?"
"I hope not..."

"Do you want me to stop texting you now? sorry I bothered you again"
"Its okay."

So I was talking to him:

"wow what a jerk. i seriously think you should just leave him. im sorry."
"but i love him"
"i know you do. but ugh he's a jerk to you. wth. that makes me mad."
" :/ hes worth it"
"ok well. if you still wanna keep try keeping him im not stopping you. im just saying he's a jerk to you. and i dont wanna see you get hurt anymore :("
"i might regret it later on that i kept trying, but i feel like if i try harder, he can love me again."